


Delay the Inevitable

by vitaminanime



Category: Alien Series, Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Corpses, Cults, Deviates From Canon, Diary/Journal, Dreams, Eldritch Abominations, Envoys, Euthanasia, F/M, Force Choking, Framing Devices, Hair Brushing, Insanity, Lovecraftian Themes, Massacres, Nightmares, Plans, Villains as Protagonists, meetings, will add more tags as story progresses
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-31
Updated: 2020-03-04
Packaged: 2021-02-26 12:47:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21969565
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vitaminanime/pseuds/vitaminanime
Summary: The Empire is challenged by an existential threat that predates the Galaxy and is fated to outlive it. Said threat is awaiting their soon-coming reign, when they will awaken once more and reclaim the Galaxy. In hot pursuit of a tactic to not bend to forces they can't understand, will the Empire find a way to delay the inevitable? Only time will tell, and time is running out fast.
Relationships: Padmé Amidala/Anakin Skywalker
Comments: 5
Kudos: 1





	1. Prologue: Blood and Guilt

"You're home early, Ani." Said Padme as Anakin entered her room. She was sitting on the window seat, in her flowing silk dressing gown, her hair tumbling over her shoulders.  
"What were you expecting?" Said Anakin. "Where have you been? Your hair is a mess."

"My hairbrush is over there." Said Padme.

Anakin took Padme's hairbrush off her bureau and  
sat down beside her and took a fistful of her hair began to drag the brush through her thick, soft tresses, starting at the ends and working his way up.  
She giggled when the bristles grazed her ear. "Hey, that tickles."  
"I'll be more careful." He said as he continued to drag the brush through her hair. He knew she was quite capable of brushing her own hair but he was enjoying it so much and so was she. He thought his heart might burst with love.  
"If this is a dream I hope I never wake up." Said Padme.  
When suddenly her locks crumbled to dust in his hand. The hairbrush clattered on the floor.  
She turned her head towards him. Her eye sockets were gaping holes, her blackened teeth were bared into a permanent demonic grin, and maggots squirmed in her nasal cavity.

"You ought to be ashamed of yourself." She said, when suddenly everything turned to ice.

The ice cracked and he fell through and sunk into the turbulent, frigid waters below. Suddenly the waters turned to red. Red with the blood of the dead, and haunted by the hollow eyes of those that he killed.

 _...and that is always how it is. It always goes from a dream I would rather not wake up from to a nightmare I cannot wake up from...."_ Darth Vader wrote in his diary. He didn't even know why he was keeping a diary. Yes, it was the one place he could vent his spleen, but the whole thing seemed sentimental and mawkish. It was physically hard for him to write. The prosthetic hands were hardly dexterous enough to articulate each glyph. If someone read them it would be humiliating. He didn't see how it could benefit anyone but himself.

"Lord Vader. The Emperor orders your presence at a meeting. Everyone is there but you." A corporal said as he entered Vader's private quarters.

"I'll arrive when I intend to." Said Vader.

"It might be prudent to arrive now. You know how the Emperor gets when you keep him waiting." Said the corporal.

Then Vader noticed the corporal's eyes fall on the open pages of his diary. He swiftly force choked him.

"I swear I didn't see anything in your diary!" Protested the corporal.

"Liar." Vader tightened his grip.

"I didn't see anything any more than you allowed me to incriminate myself." Gasped the corporal. "And if you kill me, your soul's gonna drown in a frozen lake of blood and guilt."

"It's a bit too late for that." Vader then flattened the corporal's trachea for good. He fell to the ground, neck bruised, face cyanotic, eyes bulging from their sockets, ready to haunt said frozen lake of blood and guilt, among the rest of Vader's body count.


	2. Tiny Pink Smudge

Emperor Palpatine, Darth Vader, Moff Tarkin, Mas Ammeda, and Admiral Thrawn had been called to assemble at a council meeting.  
"This meeting has been called to order to discuss an urgent matter that cannot wait. There has been a rise in cult activity throughout the galaxy, coupled with an insanity epidemic, as I am sure you are all too aware. All across the galaxy, all the insane asylums have been filled and people are gibbering in the streets. It is a hindrance to the productiveness of the Empire." Said Palpatine.  
"Once again a platoon was sent to investigate a disappearance and all were sacrificed once again. Only one was left alive and returned a groveling lunatic." Agreed Tarkin.  
"With the insane do what they will, but this rise in cult activity is unacceptable." Said Darth Vader.  
Just then a corporal appeared into the center of the meeting hall.  
"A man claiming to be an envoy for the cultists seeks an audience." Said the corporal. "By your leave."  
The corporal absconded.  
A stony, veiled humanoid figure walked through the doors and raised its hands in greeting.  
"Greetings! Salutations! Salutations! Salutations to all you fine Imperials!" Said the figure.  
Darth Vader shifted forward in his seat. "Are they that bold as to send an envoy, unguarded and uninvited?"  
"What an honor it is to be recognized by the great Darth Vader! But it seems to me..."  
"State your purpose." Said Palpatine.  
"It seems I have completely forgotten to stand on ceremony and introduce myself. Mödgud, steward of Ratlljóst, at your most humble service." He doffed his veil and bent his knees in mock respect.  
"It seems to me you find the recent rise in cult activity as well as insanity pandemic troubling, and not without due reason, but I don't mind informing you that your kind is not the first to rule the galaxy and certainly won't be the last." Said Mödgud.  
"Nonsense." Said Palpatine.  
"No need to be hasty, your eminence. One can easily be forgiven for the ignorance of the fact that there are beings in the universe that predate the galaxy and are destined to outlive it." Said Mödgud.  
"If that is so, then where are they now?" Said Tarkin.  
"Banished...dead, dreaming in cyclopean tombs, beneath seas, beyond stars, imprisoned deep within prison walls in dimensions far away. For a mere mortal mind to comprehend them would certainly drive one to madness. You now rule what once was theirs, and it is soon to be theirs again." Said Mödgud.  
"You talk in tongues." Said Palpatine.  
"Aha! Emperor, you may think yourself all-powerful, you may think the galaxy is yours to hold in your hands, you may think the galaxy is vast and enormous, when the fact of the matter is that it is nothing more than a tiny pink smudge, floating through space and time." Said Mödgud.  
"Your words are subtle but lack substance." Said Darth Vader.  
"Tell me, how far does your empire extend?" Said Mödgud.  
Darth Vader stood up, ignited his lightsaber, and extended it at Mödgud. "As far as this does." He replied.  
"That isn't very far." Said Mödgud.  
"You're wasting time." Said Thrawn.  
"Time? What is time? By my chronological scale I watch the universe exploding every single night!" Said Mödgud.  
"But considering your patience is wearing unduly thin i will make things quite clear. These incomprehensible abominations that currently lie dead and dreaming are awaiting their soon-coming reign. They are sending out calls to mortals. Turning dreams into nightmares of their charnel abodes. Shattering the sanity of those who attempt to understand their meaning. Those who have sworn allegiance and formed cults to these greater deities send exo-sacrifices in attempt to appease them. All this ongoing cult activity bodes a returning season of doom. When their servants start dreaming and the stars are right, they will awake again and reclaim the galaxy." Said Mödgud.

Just then, something fell from his girdle with a clank. It was a trio of ceremonial trocars, encrusted with dried blood, human and otherwise.  
"But it's all right, they greater ones consume the souls of sacrifices first." Said Mödgud. "According to their servants, it's an honor to have one's soul consumed by one of these massive, vile, hideous abominations. To these greater ones, humanity and the like are but fleas."  


"Are all in favor of this be considered a call to arms?" Said Mas.

"Should I call security?" Said Tarkin.  
"I see your patience has run dry but I might let you in on some intelligence right now. It is no use fighting. The greater ones transcend darkness and light. The force is nothing on them. You can charge at them, blasters blazing, but you'll make no dent. Even a warrior without peer such as yourself." he glared at Vader. "Can charge at them with a lightsaber with all the fire and fury of the Dark Side and you'll still seem like a young boy chasing dragons with your wooden sword so mighty!" Said Modgud. 

"No man of woman born could possibly have such impudence." Said Thrawn.  
"It's a good thing i'm neither." Said Mödgud.  
"You're really a woman?" Said Tarkin.  
"I appreciate your tenacity and willingness to fight but if you honestly are persuaded that you'll come back with your shield or on it then I seriously pity you." Said Modgud.  
"Do you have anything to say in your defense?" Said Palpatine.  
"My defense? I've already overstayed my unwelcome! But you asked for intelligence on cultist activity and I gave you the intelligence you sought." Said Modgud. Then he vanished. Only the trocars remained.  
There was silence in the meeting hall for some time.  
Several minutes later, the silence was broken.  
"It would be unwise trust him." Said Darth Vader.


	3. Issue the Call

Tarkin stood up and walked to the center of the room. He knelt down and selected the trocar that had been encrusted with human blood. He ran his thumbnail along one of the trocar's three sides. Brown flakes of dried blood fluttered to the ground below.

"This man thinks he can intimidate us." said Tarkin. 

"He doesn't think he can intimidate us, he knows he can intimidate us." Said Vader.

"Admitting weakness within our own ranks? You ought to be ashamed of yourself." Said Palpatine.

"I am not admitting weakness. I am admitting that this man knows our predicament is precarious and shows no signs of improving. He knows we are vulnerable. He intends to use our vulnerability for his own gain, whatever it may be. For all he is or isn't, he is very clever, and clever people are dangerous." Said Vader.

Tarkin returned to his seat.

"Before this meeting is adjourned we must arrive at a conclusion and devise a plan of action. I refuse to bend to powers that be that we can't understand. If anyone has any plans, now is the time to bring them to the table." Said Palpatine.

"I say we set out a task force to learn all we can about these beings." Said Mas.

"That's a good idea...but cult activity is on the rise faster than they can be eliminated or swayed away." Said Tarkin.

"Are our own forces immune? How high up does this threat go in imperial ranks?" Said Vader.

"I have a bad feeling about this... I assume that droids do not become seduced by the call of these...greater ones?" Said Thrawn.

"Who's to say?" Said Tarkin. "And even if droids are immune to the call, someone has to maintain them."

"We still have yet to arrive at a conclusion." Said Palpatine. "And what should be done about this man who calls himself the Steward of Ratlljóst?" He is too dangerous to be left alive."

"Hire bounty hunters to track him down, and send forces to eliminate the sad traces of cultist scum from the sector." Said Vader.

"I will organize a task force to learn all we can about cult activity and the greater ones." Said Mas Amedda.

"I will issue the call to arms so as to eliminate any and all cult activity and associated beings." Said Thrawn.

"Meeting adjourned." Said Palpatine.

They were all about to get up from their seats and go their separate ways when the same corporal from earlier strode into the dead center of the room.

"Ar ei orsedd ddu yn y gwallgofrwydd ni all yr anhrefn niwclear feddwl na gweld" She said.

"What did you say?" Said Palpatine.

"ar ei orsedd ddu yn y gwallgofrwydd ni all yr anhrefn niwclear feddwl na gweld" She repeated.

"Since when did I make glossolalia the official language of the Empire?" Said Palpatine.

"Ar ei orsedd ddu yn y gwallgofrwydd ni all yr anhrefn niwclear feddwl na gweld!" She insisted.

"Speak to me, girl." Said Palpatine.

She kept on gibbering in the harsh-sounding language and wildly gesticulating with her hands, as if she expected them to understand.

She bent over and picked up the trocars at her feet.

"ar ei orsedd ddu yn y gwallgofrwydd ni all yr anhrefn niwclear feddwl na gweld" she said again.

"I said speak to me!" Snapped Palpatine.

"ar ei orsedd ddu yn y gwallgofrwydd ni all yr anhrefn niwclear feddwl na gweld!" She repeated and turned on heel and left.

Palpatine struck her with force lightning but she just walked right through it as if nothing had happened.

Suddenly alarm bells started ringing and sirens started screeching.

They all left the meeting hall to find the vessel had erupted into chaos. There were dead bodies everywhere, and the corporal had scrawled the phrase on the wall in blood with the trocar.

Amorphous tentacled blobs rampaged through the hallways, leaving trails of ichor behind them.

Stormtroopers blasted at them but their jellylike bodies absorbed the blaster shots.

"I wasn't expecting this." Said Vader as he ignited his lightsaber and began to butcher the amorphous, gelatinous blobs.

For hours there was chaos, until finally the last of the blobs had been destroyed. Janitor droids began cleaning up the messes and removing the corpses of the sacrificed.

"I hate doing all the dirty work." Said one droid that was mopping up a trail of ichor.

"And you think you have a crap job!" Said another droid who was transferring a corpse that was leaking all manner of bodily fluids into a body bag. "Another body has been tagged and bagged."

The corporal stood in front of the wall where she had drawn a sigil in blood on the wall. Her chest heaved and her eyes were spinning in opposite directions. She was the only non-commissioned officer left alive, but her sanity had been shattered beyond repair

Vader walked up to her, trail of ichor and butchered amorphous beings in his wake.

She looked up at him.

"Tri deg naw i drawstio i fyny." She said. He could see by the look that she had in her eyes that she expected him to understand her.

Vader took a good look at her. She was young, no older than twenty-five, and very pretty, with ash blonde hair, round blue eyes, and high cheekbones. He wasn't partial to her in any way, but he knew, in passing, that she was competent and ingenious and had an excellent memory. A mind like hers was a terrible thing to waste.

"Mae pob un yn cenllysg yr anhrefn niwclear." She said.

Vader held his lightsaber hilt by her right ear and ignited it, red blade going in through one ear, out the other.

Her pupils opened wide, like the gates to a dystopian future, as he then retracted his lightsaber. 

He quickly turned and left, cape billowing out behind him, as he heard her body hit the floor with a thud.

"Let them fall facedown if they must be put out of their misery." Vader muttered to himself.

Later that day, Vader wrote in his diary:

_...It all happened too fast. She kept on gibbering the same noxious-sounding phrase over and over again. But what was really unsettling is that I had heard that phrase before. I had forgotten it all these years, but when she spoke it, it called back the memory of the last time I had heard it, only the last time I had heard that phrase, and at that, repeated over and over again, I had been the envoy, and the phrase had come from the mouth of, of all people...Ahsoka.... ___

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many thanks to my buddy who did a roleplaying session with me to help me get over a massive case of writer's block


	4. Flash of a Blade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A flashback to when Skyguy and Snips found themselves alone on a diplomatic mission to a dark planet whose ruler was a little too indifferent for comfort.

"Do you have the coordinates, Snips?" Said Anakin.

"I'm entering them right now. By rights this planet should not support life, it's so far away from its sun. Yet apparantly it has all the qualities necessary to support life. Its atmosphere is composed primarily of oxygen and hydrogen, it has a molten core, a magnetic field, and a moon, but its orbit is so elliptical it may be difficult to find it." Said Ahsoka.

"We'll find it no sweat." Said Anakin.

"Hold on, almost done entering the coordinates to...how are you supposed to pronounce this? Ratllj-"

"Ratl-yost." Interrupted Anakin.

"Isn't there a J? Shouldn't it be Ratil-Jost?" Said Ahsoka.

"I think it's more of an 'uhh' sound." Said Anakin.

"Ratlljóst." Said Ahsoka.

"Close enough." Said Anakin. "Now let's make a move of it. Even if we go at light speed the whole time, the voyage will take at least five hours." He threw the switch and they went into hyperspace.

"I think we're lost." Said Ahsoka.

"You have to get lost to find a place nobody knows where it is. Then nobody would be able to find it." Said Anakin.

"Well, we're here." Said Anakin, pushing the lever that took them out of hyperspace. Rattljóst loomed below them, its atmosphere an odd shade of purple, its surface a mottled patchwork of gray and green, its rings surrounding it.

"What a dinky little planet." Said Ahsoka.

"Dinky or not, our diligence won't wait." Said Anakin as he began their entry.

"DID YOU HAVE TO GO STRAIGHT THROUGH ITS RINGS?" Gasped Ahsoka.

"It's a shortcut." Said Anakin.

"Shortcuts make for long delays." Said Ahsoka. "Quick! Get out of the way of that rock before it batters us."

Anakin pitched the spacecraft out of the way of an incoming rock.

"Skyguy! Do a barrel roll!" Ahsoka screeched as Anakin did just that.

"That chunk of rock was the size of a refrigerator!" Said Ahsoka. Anakin did another barrel roll in the opposite direction.

"Now I don't know which end is up." Said Ahsoka.

"Rely on the dials." Said Anakin.

"I don't remember which dial is which." Said Ahsoka.

Finally they entered Ratlljóst's atmosphere. Anakin raised up the ailerons and began their descent.

They bumped and scraped against the surface of Rattljóst with only minimal damage to the landing gear.

"That was easy." Said Anakin as he vaulted out of the spaceceaft.

"Easy? Easy my foot! Said Ahsoka. Her knees were wobbly and she was green around the gills. She then threw up in the knee-high grass beside the spacecraft. "I just lost my lunch."

"Find it." Said Anakin.

"I know where it is! It's at my feet!" Said Ahsoka. "But I'm not about to put it back in me."

"Fine. We don't have all day." Said Anakin.

"A day on Ratlljóst is only six hours, or so I'm told." Said Ahsoka. A bit of the color returned to her cheeks. "But considering how far away it is from its sun it might be hard to tell day from night." As it was, the sun, a tiny speck in the sky, was getting lower on the horizon, and the purplish-grayish blackish sky was beginning to turn several shades of blue.

"In that case we don't have all night. Follow me, Snips. Let's find the ruler of this place show them how we feel." Said Anakin. He began to head off across the grassy plains with Ahsoka close behind him.

"We're not here to show them how we feel, Skyguy. We're envoys, and we're here to appeal to them. If they are neutral, they can't stay neutral for much longer, the way things are headed for." Said Ahsoka.

"You're no fun." Said Anakin.

"We're not here to have fun. If they wanted us to have fun they would have sent us as envoys to that planet with thirty-six hour days where it's always summer and everyone is always playing music and eating deep-fried swamp creatures and drinking sweet red cocktails that induce altered states of consciousness." Said Ahsoka.

"It doesn't sound like we would get a whole lot of envoy-ing done there." Said Anakin.

"You said I wasn't any fun." Said Ahsoka. She then stumbled and almost tripped over a rock.

She knelt down and examined the rock. "This isn't just an ordinary rock, this is a brick." She pushed some weeds aside. Several more bricks lay underneath. "These are ruins of a building." She examined the perimeter. "A house of some kind."

"If it's a house then nobody has lived here for quite some time." Said Anakin.

"And nobody lives here now." Said Ahsoka. They continued across the plain. The sun finally sunk below the horizon. The moon had not yet risen, and they continued trudging through the darkness.

At length, Ahsoka sat down on a rock, unwrapped a packet of rations, and gazed up at the sky.

"You know, this place is actually kind of beautiful." Said Ahsoka.

"If you very loosely define beautiful." Said Anakin.

"In its own bizarre, magical, blasphemous way it is." Said Ahsoka. She took out a packet of rations and sat down on a rock. "To think of it." She gazed up at the galactic band that extended over the dome of the night sky. "The galaxy seems so huge and vast when we're in it, but when put into perspective from up here, it's nothing more than a tiny pink smudge, floating through space and time."

"Tiny? It extends to all corners of the sky." Said Anakin. "And since when did you become all philosophical?"

"But in the grand scheme of things, it is. It's just one piece in a vast puzzle. When we're gone forever, it'll still be here. Kind of makes you ponder your own insignificance. What came before us, and what comes after us. If maybe we're not alone. If maybe there are entities that predate the galaxy and are fated to outlive it. If there are beings that predate the universe and are fated to outlive it. Makes our own existence seem insignificant by comparison." Said Ahsoka.

"My own insignificance? I don't have an insignificant bone in my body." Said Anakin.

"I knew that, Skyguy." Said Ahsoka. She took a bite of ration. "But some may beg to differ." She crammed the rest of the rations down her throat and they continued.

They then came to a village of dark crumbling stone and began to explore it. 

"It seems there's evidence of intelligent life everywhere, but aside from myself, there's no signs of intelligent life anywhere." Said Ahsoka.

"I heard that." Said Anakin.

"You were supposed to." Said Ahsoka. 

"Well, there's no dignitaries or heads of state around here. Let's keep moving." Said Anakin as they left.

The plains of gray grass ended, and were replaced with lichens of some sort. An imposing building surmounted the horizon.

"That's an important looking building." Said Anakin as he peered at it through binoculars.

"Indeed, Captain Obvious." Said Ahsoka as she took the binoculars from him. "Maybe there's someone we could talk to there."

They headed up to the temple. The moon had risen in all its gibbous, bright red, eldritch glory. It made the temple cast a menacing shadow over Anakin and Ahsoka.

"This is definitely a sign of highly intelligent life. Look at those doric columns and stairs and pediments and dentil cornices." Said Ahsoka.

"Since when did you become an architecture buff?" Said Anakin. "Let's go inside."

They climbed up the stairs, past the doric columns, and stood in the foyer.

"It was so neat and orderly on the outside, but inside...those stairs are all going in repeating directions and the floor appears to be the ceiling and the ceiling appears to be the floor." Said Ahsoka. Anakin tried the door to the main sanctuary. He pushed on them and rattled the knobs. "It's locked." He said. Anakin began to climb up one of the flights of stairs.

"Skyguy! Don't climb up those stairs! You'll crack your head open!" Snapped Ahsoka when she instinctively began to follow him up the upside-down flight of stairs.

"I thought you said I would crack my head open." Said Anakin to Ahsoka as they reached the top of the stairs and opened the door at the top.

They finally reached the inner sanctum of the temple. At the far end of the inner sanctum was a raised dais with a high-backed chair, but the chair was empty. An androgynous figure who seemed to be made of bronze sat on the dais. A hellhound lay at its feet.

"It's almost as if someone were...expecting us." Said Ahsoka. They approached the figure on the dais. 

The figure raised its head. "Greetings, children. I wasn't expecting you to figure it out so quickly. What, pray tell, is the intention for your visit for this land obscure and lonely, of which I have been assigned stewardship?"

"We're envoys on behalf of the Republic." Said Anakin.

"Has the Republic grown so bold as to send children as envoys, and under no guard at that?" Said the figure.

"We're not children and we don't need guards!" Said Ahsoka indignantly. She lunged forward but Anakin held her back.

"I am Anakin Skywalker and this is my padawan, Ahsoka Tano. The Republic has sent us here because the war shows no signs of improving. If you are neutral, you won't be able to remain neutral for long." Said Anakin.

"If you don't get involved soon, the Separatists might plunder this place, colonize it, invade it...if you have any people, and I know you do, don't play dumb with me, and you value them, you will do something about it." Said Ahsoka.

"Why should I get involved? Death on both sides has become a way of life, but to what end? I've seen countless civilizations come and go. Separatist, Republic, all the same to me, as long as I find what I need. Children, it is really and truly folly to even attempt to appeal to me. Civilizations, orders, anarchies...all of them die as they live in a flash of a blade." The figure scratched the hellhound between the ears.

"So what our lives are short? If you join sides with the Republic, we get resources and manpower, wherever it is, and you get protection from the Separatists. It's an offer you can't refuse." Said Anakin.

"Of course I can refuse, and I will refuse." Said the steward.

"How can you be so blind? Are you aware of the consequences of if you don't align yourself with the Republic? The Separatists will walk all over you and with the way that things are headed for that really won't be long." Said Ahsoka.

"I am fully aware of the consequences. It just so happens I'm a man of no consequence." Said the steward.

"I was wondering what his gender was." Whispered Ahsoka to Anakin.

"At this point we need everyone we can get on our side. We know your people are intelligent, even if you keep them hidden. They will be valuable assets to us and we will be valuable assets to you." Said Anakin.

"Children, children, children, you're using incessance rather than logic. Your kind do love to kill each other. I would find it rather amusing if it weren't so tragic. Your kind are capable of so many magnificent things, and yet somehow you have managed to invent animosity!" The steward laughed at his own joke. "But for your kind time does not come cheap. You've come the long way and have been through crepuscular realms. While you are here, make your time worthwhile. Go to the nearest citadel. There, you might find some useful...information."

"We came all this way to have an audience with you and you just tell us to run along?" Said Anakin.

"Let me tell you a story. About a play. A play that has not yet been written yet." Said the steward.

"Not yet been written? How is that even possible?" Said Ahsoka.

"The future the past and the present are one with me. I remember everything that is going to happen as if it will happen yesterday. Someday, someone will write a play, and in the play, there will be a blaster on the wall as a stage prop. It seems to be of no significance. In the first act, someone takes it away, and we think we will never see it again. In the second act, it returns, and is of minor significance, then is put away, then in the third act, it returns and is of utmost importance to the play's plot. If you seek to continue, go downwards and north." The steward then vanished. Only the hellhound remained, lying on the dais.

"We might as well make ourselves useful." Said Ahsoka. They headed back down the upside-down staircase and out of the temple.

"What do you suppose he meant by 'go downwards and north?'" Said Anakin.

"Your guess is just as good as mine." Ahsoka took out her compass and oriented it. "I have no idea which way is north on this planet, but this will have to do." And they headed to the alleged north.

They trudged down a steep hill, and then climbed up its other side. The foot of the hill was graced by an enormous, squat building of cyclopean stone.

"I suppose this is what he meant." Said Anakin.

"It would have been a lot easier of he just told us to go uphill in both directions." Said Ahsoka.

"This isn't a man who does things the easy way, Snips." Said Anakin.

"If you wanna know someone else who never does anything the easy way you can look in a mirror." Said Ahsoka.

"Let's look inside." Said Anakin as they went towards the citadel and entered.

They activated a lantern and took a good look at the room. On the left wall, it was carved with pictures, and the right wall was carved with harsh, choppy glyphs. In the center of the room was a huge stone wheel with more arcane glyphs carved in.

"I'm going to make sense of these pictures, you can decode those glyphs." Said Anakin as he went over to the wall.

"The padawan always gets the dirty work." Said Ahsoka as she examined the glyphs. "I don't make heads or tales of this."

She then turned to the center of the room and noticed the stone in the middle had the same glyphs. She pushed it around multiple times to match it with the glyphs to no avail.

"I'm about ready to lose my mind!" Grumbled Ahsoka.

"Maybe we should have brought C-3PO with us." Said Anakin, not looking up from the wall carvings.

"Seriously, Skyguy? In a place like this?" She imitated his voice. "My internal circuit processors have been fried!"

"Sucks to be you." Said Anakin.

"Hang on. I think I've got it." Ahsoka pushed the stone wheel around and aligned it with the glyphs on the wall.

"ar"  
"ei"  
"orsedd"  
"ddu"  
"yn"  
"y"  
"gwallgofrwydd"  
"ni"  
"all"  
"yr"  
"anhrefn"  
"niwclear"  
"feddwl"  
"na"  
"gweld"

"Ar ei orsedd ddu yn y gwallgofrwydd ni all yr anhrefn niwclear feddwl na gweld" Said Ahsoka.

"Bless you." Said Anakin.

"Ar ei orsedd ddu yn y gwallgofrwydd ni all yr anhrefn niwclear feddwl na gweld-blehhh, you need to do a lot of lingual acrobatics to pronounce that one." Said Ahsoka. She then closed her eyes and attempted to commit the phrase to memory.

"Ar ei orsedd ddu yn y gwallgofrwydd ni all yr anhrefn niwclear feddwl na gweld  
Ar ei orsedd ddu yn y gwallgofrwydd ni all yr anhrefn niwclear feddwl na gweld  
Ar ei orsedd ddu yn y gwallgofrwydd ni all yr anhrefn niwclear feddwl na gweld  
Ar ei orsedd ddu yn y gwallgofrwydd ni all yr anhrefn niwclear feddwl na gweld  
Ar ei orsedd ddu yn y gwallgofrwydd ni all yr anhrefn niwclear feddwl na gweld  
Ar ei orsedd ddu yn y gwallgofrwydd ni all yr anhrefn niwclear feddwl na gweld  
ar ei orsedd ddu yn y gwallgofrwydd ni all yr anhrefn niwclear feddwl na gweld." She repeated over and over again, very fast.

"You sure your vocal apparatus is intended to make those sounds?" Said Anakin.

"Probably not but I felt a compulsion to commit that phrase to memory." Said Ahsoka.

"Well over here, it seems these pictures tell a story of beings thar are older than the galaxy, and the boss of them all is this blob on a black throne who is an omnipotent blind idiot, who is lulled by the sound of flutes and percussion. This planet is the gateway to its realm or something, as you can see" He pointed to the pictures. "And this picture here depicts the vast majority of what they do." There were reliefs of odd-looking beings row by row, but they only recognized one of them.

"Doesn't that one there resemble the steward of this planet?" Said Ahsoka. She pointed to the carving of the figure that was standing in front of a gate.

"It does. And if he's standing in front of a gate could that mean he's master of the gates between dimensions?" Said Anakin.

"I don't know. I just didn't think he was too happy to see us. Let's see if there's something under here." They went over to the trapdoor at the edge of the room. They pried it open and peered in, Nothing but darkness yawned at them.

"Ladies first." Said Anakin as he shoved Ahsoka in.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!" She screamed, her voice trailed off.

"Snips? That must be a long fall." Anakin jumped in after her.

Anakin hit the floor with a thump. The drop was less than eight feet.

Ahsoka was laughing hysterically. "I had you going! You really thought I would be falling for hours! What a riot."

They then turned to find a rectangular slab in the middle of the room that was shrouded by a white sheet. They then removed the sheet to find a single instrument, its long, narrow blade hollow and three-sided.

"What's that?" Said Anakin.

"It's a trocar. It's used to suck out fluids from bodily cavities." Said Ahsoka. She picked it up.

"Don't touch that. It might have germs." Said Anakin.

"And this is coming from a guy who keeps a piss jug on long flights." Ahsoka then bit the trocar and inspected it for teeth marks.

"Don't put that in your mouth! You don't know where that's been." Said Anakin.

"I wish I knew what type of metal this was." Said Ahsoka. "It's very durable." She put the trocar down where she found it. "But it has a really nasty aftertaste."

They went in separate ways to inspect the basement for any information that might be of use. Then something dawned on Anakin. He picked up the sheet, put it over his head, and snuck up behind Ahsoka.

"RAAR!"

She screamed and turned. Her face was ashen and her eyes were wide as saucers.

"You're not actually scared of me, Snips?"

"I'm not scared of you, I'm scared of what's behind you!" Said Ahsoka.

Anakin removed the sheet to find a monstrous, oozy, tarry, bubbling creature whose bubbles turned to eyes that then floated away and popped while tarry black tendrils extended in all directions. It made a disgusting, smacking, sticky noise.

"Let's get out of here!" Ahsoka jumped to her feet.

"Not so fast." Anakin ignited his lightsaber.

"Yes so fast!" Ahsoka took off running.

"You have to face your fears." Said Anakin as he engaged the creature.

Ahsoa cringed, shoved some facial tissues up her nose to block out the stench of the creature, ignited her lightsaber, and charged.

"It's like it's no use fighting this thing!" Said Ahsoka. "Like cutting through water!" The creature wrapped a tarry tendril around her ankle but she leapt back before it could ensnare her.

More of the creatures slithered out of the darkness.

"I don't like these odds." Said Ahsoka. "Let's get outta here!"

"For once you're right, Snips." Anakin attached his lightsaber to his belt and took off running after Ahsoka.

"Skyguy! Give me a boost!" Anakin raised Ahsoka up through the trapdoor and into the hall and then hoisted himself up. More of the creatures had filled the room.

"Let's get back to our ship." Said Ahsoka as the ran out the door. The sun was just about to rise, making the sky look menacing in the liminal light. More of the creatures were riding over the heights and encroaching in on them.

"Where did we land our ship?" Said Anakin.

"I don't know but we're not stopping until we get there!" Ahsoka yelled.

"There it is! Dead ahead!" Said Anakin.

"It's closer than I thought." Said Ahsoka.

"And someone even fixed the landing gear." Said Anakin. They vaulted into the cockpit and took off into the light scattering sky.

Ahsoka didn't catch her breath until they were in outer space.

"That's seven hours, thirteen minutes, and four seconds I'm not getting back." Said Ahsoka.

"Don't be a negative Nelly, Snips. I'm sure we got something out of it. I don't know what, but I'm sure we did." Said Anakin as he pulled the lever to lightspeed.

\- -  
"Did you learn anything on that planet?" Obi-Wan asked Anakin and Ahsoka when they arrived on Corusant.

"Absolutely nothing." Said Anakin.

"Absolutely nothing? I find that suspicious." Said Obi-Wan.

"The ruler insists on neutrality, and the residents all have bad tempers, no intelligence, and no fondness for humanity." Said Anakin.

"I did however learn how to say 'ar ei orsedd ddu yn y gwallgofrwydd ni all yr anhrefn niwclear feddwl na gweld'" Said Ahsoka.

"Bless you." Said Obi-wan. "I'll take it you didn't learn how to pronounce that in one sitting."

"Actually I did. Say it a few times and it will roll right off your tongue. Ar ei orsedd ddu yn y gwallgofrwydd ni all yr anhrefn niwclear feddwl na gweld." Ahsoka repeated.

"Hey Snips, if you promise me never to repeat that phrase again I'll take you to that planet where it's always summer and people eat deep fried swamp creatures and drink mind-altering cocktails." Said Anakin.

Ahsoka's eyes lit up. "Speak no further!" She said.

"No, you speak no further!" Said Anakin.

"No, you speak no further!" Said Ahsoka.

"No, you speak no further!" Said Anakin.

"No, you speak no further!" Said Ahsoka.

Anakin and Ahsoka then erupted into peals of laughter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I already posted this as a standalone, but I put it in again here as a comedic interlude from the previous chapters and the dark chapters that have yet to come.


End file.
